Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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