I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
