If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
