Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
