He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
