Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
