he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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