There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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