now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm way too hungover for life right now
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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