my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
