I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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