I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
