If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
