erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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