i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
