Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
