Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
