No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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