the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
