im six kinds of drunk right now
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
