Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
