I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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