I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
