"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
