glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
