It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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