Tell her she can't have a vagina
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
