You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
