At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
