I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
