i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
