I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize