So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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