Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
