We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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