hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
did you just send me my own nude
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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