Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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