I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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