Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
