i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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