i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
