She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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