is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
