ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
