I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
