either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize