I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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