Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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