I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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