there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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