i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Houston, we have a blender
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
