You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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