fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
These tits shall not be calmed
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
