He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
