Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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