Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
