I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
