My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
