Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
