I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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