shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
barbara walters just said penis...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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