I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
