what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My feet surprised me
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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