Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
