ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
