This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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