can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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