I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
