Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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