i was born a porn star she said
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
