They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I can text with my tongue
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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