i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
