my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The Olympian is in my bed
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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